Las Vegas Critics

KFC Condiments

By Nick Manteris · 2 Comments · Leave a Comment

Colonel Sanders in an apron

Businesses are designed to make money and sometimes, in order to increase profits, they feel like they have to cut corners or stretch their dollars. It seems like companies become more and more willing to do this as they increase in size and as far as size goes, they don’t get any bigger than Yum! Brands. (Yum! Brands is the PepsiCo spin-off company that operates or licenses more than 36,000 KFC, Pizza Hut, Long John Silver's, Taco Bell and A&W Restaurants in over 110 countries.) The Health and Nutrition page on their website says, “We will strive to proactively improve the nutrition profile of our high quality food content, while providing great taste,” but unfortunately, this is a lie.

Exhibit A: Colonel’s Buttery Spread

A better name for this stuff would be “Mystery Spread” because the ingredients aren’t even printed on the package and an online search yielded no results. “Buttery Spread” tastes more like “mystery” than “butter” anyway and it leaves a film in your mouth that is strongly reminiscent of bad movie popcorn “butter.” What is it? What could it be? Perhaps the Colonel doesn’t want you to know. The implications are frightening. And there’s no way this stuff could possibly be good for you.

Admittedly, KFC is not a high-class establishment and margarine was invented to be a butter substitute for soldiers and the lower classes. Undoubtedly, “Buttery Spread” was created to be a margarine substitute for the unwashed masses. Do we not have showers and bathtubs?

Exhibit B: Colonel’s Honey Sauce

Honey Sauce? Seriously? At least the Honey Sauce lists ingredients on the package...in addition to the disclaimer that it “contains 11% real honey.” The other 89% must be fake honey. And just what is fake honey, you ask? Well, apparently it’s high fructose corn syrup, sugar, corn syrup, natural flavor and caramel color. Does adding three additional types of sugar really improve the nutritional profile of a pure product like honey? The taste is sort of like honey, but with an unfortunate hollowness and a very slightly watered-down texture.

Sure, honey is expensive and the bees do seem to be disappearing, but something called “Honey Sauce” is an atrocity that should never have been created.

Obviously, in the event that Yum! Brands is discovered in their quest to “proactively worsen the nutrition profile of their food content, while providing subpar taste” they are setting Colonel Sanders up as the scapegoat...these “products” are labeled as the Colonel’s creations and they’ve even put him in an apron now to imply that he’s been in the kitchen again.

Tags: Food, Nick, Colonel Sanders, HFCS, high fructose corn syrup, KFC, PepsiCo, Yum! Brands

Comments

It's getting worse...

I don't know when you wrote this post, but the "honey sauce" I recently got at KFC proclaims itself as being "7% Real Honey" - down four percent from yours. I wonder if it gets worse as time goes by, or it is a regional thing?

Wed, 06/08/2011 - 17:13 · Mike | Homeless On Wheels

it's been a couple years...

Honey is expensive. It's probably getting worse. I haven't tried to eat that stuff since I wrote about it, so I don't know for sure, though.

Unfortunately, I've noticed that this terrible trend is catching on: http://twitter.com/#!/mistersplice/status/58283157111308288

Mon, 06/13/2011 - 13:07 · Nick Manteris

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